Confessions of a Car Man

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I Hate Corvettes

Dear Reader: This blog entry gets more hits than anything else I have ever written. I am very curious as to why. Are there that many people out there that hate Corvettes? I would appreciate it if you would write something in the comment section below explaining your thoughts on this matter.

Thanks,
David Teves

I hate Chevy Corvettes. This is a pretty strong statement when you consider that the one of the biggest commission I have ever made was on a ’03 coupe. Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate the Corvette as a classic America sports car, though each year I find it harder and harder to get in and out of one. It is just that I hate the people who buy them.

For me, trying to sell a Corvette is pure agony. It is what I like to call a Haley’s Comet sale: it happens once every seventy-six years. Over the years I have spent an inordinate amount of time showing The Others Corvettes with not much to show for it. That is why I have grown to loathe the suckers.

Ask most Car Men and they will confirm that Corvettes are the biggest mooch magnets on the market. The reasons lie deep in the psyche of every red-blooded American male. The Toyota Camry may be the number one selling car in America, but no guy has ever dreamt about driving down the highway of life on a beautiful summer’s day with a blonde beside him in a Camry. The Corvette is an icon, the fiberglass version of “The Field of Dreams”: If you have one, she will come.

The problem with a ‘Vette is this: When you are young, more than likely you cannot afford the payment. Heck, you probably can't even afford the insurance on it. When you add those two payments together it is almost always a deal buster. And when you finely do find your blonde and marry her, a Corvette is out of the question. You can't put your honey along with a stack of groceries and a child car seat in a Corvette, but this still does not mean you would not give your left nut to have one. For some it becomes a life-long obsession. Unfortunately, the usual victim of this obsession is a Car Man.

There is an army of idiots out there that spend a good portion of their spare time lusting over a car they will never be able to pull the trigger and buy. They search the classified ads and car magazines. They do their unholy research on the Internet, and they pester Chevy dealers endlessly, trying desperately to find the Perfect One--the Corvette that has their name on it; the perfect seat for their obsessive ass. If by chance they happen to actually come across the perfect Corvette, that is when the trouble begins.

I am of the opinion that for a lot of people the act of looking for a Corvette is almost as satisfying as actually owning one. Just the mental pleasure of wanting one makes you a kind of surrogate Corvette owner without the burden of a high monthly payment. “I’m a Corvette guy!” you can say to yourself. You are looking for one, right? Looking is just one step away from buying, right? Therefore, you are a Corvette owner who just does not happen have a Corvette at the moment.

The Corvette mooch will never buy a car from you because the car he has captured in his twitchy imagination is a gleaming gem of automotive perfection, and no Corvette he will ever find can match up to this image. Even if he stumbles across one that is dangerously close to the Corvette of his dreams, he will have no choice but to make up imperfections. Because if he found that perfect, affordable ‘Vette it would mean he might actually have to buy it, and he certainly cannot have that!

This does not stop a mooch from coming onto your lot and wasting your time. He is as attracted to the siren call of the Corvette as a moth is to a flame. As he walks around the car, his heartbeat elevates, his palms become sweaty. He will try to bait you with hints about his high-paying union job. To further spice things up he might mention that he may even pay cash for the car. (Do not be fooled. He has $300 in his checking account.) This is all designed to achieve his ultimate goal: taking the plastic sled for a test drive. For if he takes the car for a drive and people see him driving it, he can pretend he owns it.

If he successfully lures you into his trap all is good until you get back to the dealership. That is when the excuses begin:

“Ah, gee, I wanted a 6-speed, and this one’s an automatic.”

Or, “I really wanted an automatic. Too bad this one’s a 6-speed.”

“This one is blue. I really wanted a red one with the optional wheels.”

“It has to have under 30,000 miles on it,” he insists. “This one has nearly 40,000. Just my luck!”

And if you could somehow magically produce one just the way he wants it, he would say without missing a beat, "Oh why couldn’t it be a convertible?"

“I’ll call the used car factory and have them make one up for you!” you want to scream.

Now I know there are guys who successfully sell Corvettes, just like I know there are guys who successfully sell Volvos. They must be steely-eyed Car Men, in my view. And I realize I have a bad attitude about this particular subject. God knows I have been accused of having a bad attitude about a lot of things on more than one occasion. But for the average Car Man, I speak the truth.

I hate Corvettes, and my advice to you is: stay away from them.


Talk to you later,


David

42 comments:

Anonymous said...

Can't believe I wasted my time reading this. It has nothing to do with Corvettes but a burned out car salesman who just sucks. Nothing wrong with a Corvette, each to their own. Corvette or any sports car is a small crowd that can afford them. They usually pay cash and don't waste time talking to a salesman. They know what they want.

Anonymous said...

This article has everything to do with dreamers versus doers. Most Corvette shoppers are merely enthusiasts who like to kick the tires and mentally masturbate. They are no more likely to actually buy the car than they are to win the Lotto. In fact, if they DID win the Lotto, they'd probably buy a 'Vette to celebrate. Meanwhile, they love to jack both themselves and any hapless salesperson off. If the salesman had the guts they'd tell you to their face you're a jack off, and buddy, let's be candid, you clearly are named Jack and today is your day off, right?

Go waste your OWN time, and leave hard working sales people alone to earn a living in a down market with people who have two foreclosures, 4 repos, and can't qualify to buy steam on a hamburger, much less a seventy thousand dollar car... oh, that's YOU? Wow!

Burned out? Man you take the cake. People like you have a nickname they are called "Bust Outs"

Anonymous said...

Fuck corvettes.
Jackoffs, old men and jackoff old men drive them.

David Teves said...

The old man reference is a little close to home, but I like your spirit!

vette_hater said...

Well, I am 68. I have the cash and I just test drove a 2001 convertible corvette with every intention of buying it.

Why I didn't and won't buy a corvette? Because the car is a piece of shit. It jumps and rattles on anything thicker than a dime.

Yeah, I know: it's a sports car. What is load of crap. Sports cars are used to compete at Daytona and Indianapolis. Corvettes are to show off to your buddies and take your wife for an ice cream to the local 31 flavors. For anything farther, anyone with a brain will take a Camry.

So the new ones can do zero to sixty in less than four. BFD! When was it last time this "feature" would matter in your life unless you rob banks and need a getaway car?

It's a fact that men are dominant morons. For the apperance of fake affluence and power they will give up the convenience, comfort, their savings. Just so that they claim to have a corvette.

I will take my girlie ES330, or my wife's Solara convertible over a corvette all day long. Just the looks and the power does not a car make.

David Teves said...

Thanks for leaving a comment! When I wrote the blog post, it wasn't so much talking about the cars themselves, although I have to admit that Corvettes don't age gracefully unless they are pampered. I wrote the post out of frustration with the people who think they want to purchase Corvettes--a living nightmare. I fully intend to sell a Corvette someday, but watch out, I think it might be a sign of the End Times!

Anonymous said...

Hmmm....Typical wannaby corvette owners!..I own a black 6 speed 99 corvette. I purchased this 3 years ago with the intention of drag racing,Ive built the car,still a very streetable machine,and yes fellas,it turns heads where ever I go lol.Im not the proverbial "old man" by any stretch....Im a 33 year old guy who is a service manager for a large automotive outfit....not rich,just a grease monkey who enjoys owning part of the american dream...one bad ass corvette!

David Teves said...

Dear Anonymous,

I appreciate you leaving the comment, but I have to ask, did you actually read the post?

Chris Pinto said...

I have owned 3 vettes, a 77, 70 and an 03. I still have the 70. Always known exactly what I wanted. Never wasted a car salesmans time. I always buy from previous owners. My main concern is if the car has been taken care of properly and if a paper trail of servicing exists. I am also mechanically inclined, so I can take care of the small stuff, save engine/block/transmission work.But I know the kind of buyer you're talking of.. real pains in the ass. Tire kickers and joyriders are clueless and a waste of time.

thanks
Chris.
www.eslurf.com/corvette

Anonymous said...

oh so dead on. I came up with a solution to solve what I call the "Corvette Conundrum" (by the time you can afford one, you are too old to look cool in one). Every new 'vette sold must be DRIVEN for one year by an 18 year old guy (who will use it to impress teenage girls and do smoky burnouts in parking lots) before being delivered to its retired, balding, old fart of an owner (who will use it do do 65 in the right lane and show off at car meets). The car is great - the owners are the entire problem

Anonymous said...

Wow, a burned out car salesman, like many others that don't know jack shit about cars hates a genre of automobile enthusiast.

First off, you sear sucker wearing, pencil pushing, jack wagon....you couldn't afford a vette yourself. So do America a favor and shut up.

David Teves said...

Wow! I hit a little too close to the mark, didn't I fella! Cool off, my friend. It's called humor. Look it up in the dictionary. Have you started jacking salesman around for information on the 2014 Stingray? It's never to early to get started.

David

Burned out Internet Manager said...

I used to sell Chevys. Vette wannabe owners are a pain in the arse.

As for how this is one of your most popular posts, I googled "I hate the car business."

Just looking for something else to do to make money besides dick with asshole customers all day on the Internet.

Anonymous said...

American cars are garbage. Only posers drive vettes. The car has zero credibility under its belt besides "history". When was the last time Chevy won LeMans or F1? Where's all the R&D coming from? Pathetic really how Chevy suckers consumers into believing their "sports car" is a real contender. Corvettes are a dime a dozen. Nothing exclusive about owning one besides joining the "I think I'm cool club!" Get a real sports car like Ferrari & save yourself from being a laughing stock like all other owners already are. Ask anyone what their ultimate car is and guaranteed a vette isn't one of them.

David teves said...

When I wrote this post, I wasn't talking about the car itself. Corvettes are perfectly fine cars and much less expensive than a Ferrari. What I was talking about is the people who want to buy them.

Regardless of what you think, American cars are not garbage. To make such a statement is just plain stupid. You just hate Corvettes because like all the other assholes out there, you can't afford one.

Anonymous said...

Corvette owners are just posers? Hmmm..Sounds like a bit of envy with jealousy wrapped around it. Granted they are not an "exotic" but for the money,the performance that one can attain out of one is amazing...Take it from a z06 owner,I will play with a 200k ferarri and surprise him..Don't be so quick to knock the american dream ;)

Anonymous said...

When I bought mine I went to the wrong dealership. I was there for an 04 for 27 thou and all they had was an 05 for 35 thou. The guy practically forced me to go look at it and he nearly threw me into the car for a test drive, when I'd told him up front I was looking for a different car. Just kind of funny. I don't know, maybe he just wanted to go fora joy ride, himself. Anyway, I went to the other dealership and bought the 04.

Anonymous said...

Corvettes do suck. GTR all the way.

Anonymous said...

too be honest, I'm tired of a
corvette. Had em when younger
now I like my bimmers. Will say
hate them because feel they are
not worth the money as far as
quality. And when I came in I told
the guy what wanted and it was
a cash deal. Yes there is still
one in a garage but seldom drive
it

Brandon said...

I am 21, I am in sales, and very good at what I do. I bought ,my first Corvette last year. The salesman had to do NOTHING. Along with being a Salesman, I am an ASE certified mechanic and professional race car driver. I asked to put the car on a lift so I can check underneath. It had 32k miles on it, the report said 1 owner, and his name. I found him in Facebook. He was a 61 year old man... Yes a typical Corvette owner. Guessing, the car was babied. Old man took it out on the weekends, and like every other Corvette owner didnt actually drive it like they care made to be driven... Faster time around a track then a 911 turbo, but 1/100 Corvette drivers actually can take it to that potential. I read this and laughed the whole time. It is very true, the salesman was very bitter with me, must of been thinking, some kid dreaming of buying a vette... As soon as I said, " Ill take it" Wash it for me, and take all the stupid car dealer stickers off it. He smiled and we did the paperwork. Every single time I get pulled over, they think its stolen, or my Dads. Nope, sorry officer it is mine. To sum it up, I agree with everything on this 100%. I am the exception that makes the rule though. Bought it easy, take it to the track at least once a month.... Just fun.

Now, talking with a dealer about pre-ordering the 2015 Z06... let the fun begin again... Luckily, the sales manager at this dealer knows me, so she knows im serious. lol.

Darren said...

Brandon,

So, at 21 years of age you have had time to complete both the classroom and work hours required to qualify for ASE testing, all while having both the time and financial wherewithal to roust up the vehicle, equipment, sponsors, etc for a racing team AND honing your craft as a sales professional to the point you earn enough to drive a Corvette? What ezactly is this miraculous product that a child can effectively sell to adults with money for so much commission in so little time? Please let us in on the secret!

Talk about mental masturbation...Do you have any idea how ludicrous you sound?

Anonymous said...

I bought my forth vette in june of this year. It was 10 plus years old, but had less than 10 thousand mikes on it. I am retired and still get a thrill out of driving a vette. Yes it is a six speed, not a mamby-pamby automatic. Automatics are for people who refuse to be real drivers. SELL ON DUDE-THEY WILL COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

The Corvette has a macho image, and a lot of people resent that. They'd rather drive a car like a Boxster that appeals to hair dressers. Looks are subjective, but nothing under a quarter million dollars (except maybe a Viper) can touch the performance of a new Z06. Corvettes are cool looking, have incredible performance, and good reliability. And a nationwide distribution network for parts and service. What more could you ask for, for God's sake! And another thing about Corvette owners. They are not snobs like Porsche drivers. They believe in the greatness of America. And, unlike most Porsche owners, they know which end of screwdriver to hold.

Anonymous said...

Yo dudems I remember who you are. Your that cat who almost broke the bank selling Geo Storms. Pedofile specials, you used to call them.

Can't believe your dad won't turn over the dealership. Especially after how made you dress up for commercials as a kid.

Anonymous said...

I'll never own another one again.

Beautiful fun machine.
They are hell when they are well. They are just sick alot.

Kinda reminds me of the two harleys I've owned.

Nope, not again.

Captain said...

Corvette owners are cheap ass never been married dudes that hang out with other lonely dudes. The M3 is the German version of the corvette, only the dudes are slightly younger, and beat off more.

Buying a used car is like reusing a condom you found. Buy something you can afford new, and stop wasting money on call girls.

Anon said...

Buying my first Vette at the age of 26 I'm from where most of you rich snobs would call the "ghetto" I'm proud of myself. 90 large ain't chump change for a kid like me so fuck you

Anonymous said...

As someone who has sold his fair share of Corvettes I can definitely attest to the fact that 90% of Corvette buyers are the biggest strokes in the world. They have a million and one questions based on what they've read on the internet, but have no real experience with these problems. It is a similar problem with 911 buyers across the board. I really do enjoy getting to drive Corvettes and all cars for that matter, but this blog hit the nail on the head no matter what any of you said. Try selling a Corvette and see for yourself.

John from Reno said...

I'm thinking most of the Corvette haters on this page are sniveling pussies. The author has the right attitude. It's about the idiot wannabes, not us doers. I just bought my 3rd Vette from the Salesman who sold me my first at another car lot. He loves me. He hates the old fuck salesmen who sit around and bitch about not being able to sell a Vette. This dealership had four new Z06's and he sold two. One to me. I'm a Union fuck making ok money. I want to drive America's Sports Car. Just one thing to say to all the haters. Fuck yall. I'm going to go get some groceries in my 2015 Z06 Bitches. Beat you all to Raley's.

Anonymous said...

A tall boy schilitz and slim Jim. That's all the groceries that POS will haul....and your fat union ass.

Anonymous said...

This guy nailed it. It's the Corvette culture. Full of shit d-bags that think the pos corvette is the greatest car on the planet. A closet full to crap clothes with corvette stamped all over for sure.

Anonymous said...

Crappy cars, crappy culture, ignorant anal owners. Every other car mark on the planet is appreciated when it's improved, but wipe off the fingerprints of the original salesman off a.Corvette and watch the Chevy snobs turn their noses. Never mind that the car is a 180 hp automatic with whitewall tires.

Anonymous said...

I hate vetts also, nothing but problems all the time from both of them, I would almost give them away if they were mine, my wife own s both, buy a z28 an be a lot happier,I promise

spider said...

Ive never been a vette guy , maybe they R too cramped for me , at least the few Ive been in were .. but man I love the early ones and the newer ones R technology combined with HP ..beautiful American sports car. but vette drivers, now that's a different story,,, I know its wrong to stereotype and I make it a point to never run down another guys ride. I can buy pretty much anything I want now but I remember the old pickup I had that I couldn't buy a battery or tires in the same year ...maybe its the driver that never got laid or like me had to drive "transportation" or the guy that watched those cool guys go by and thot their life was better ...sorry Ive just got that image stuck in my head , and oh yea my wife , yea she looks like the ones the vette guys are fishing for , my wife says the old guys with late life sports cars , especially corvettes are compensating for something ,,I explain its just for FUN but yea theres a stereotype...

John from Reno said...

Hit a nerve "Tall Schlitz Boy" and your "D-Bag" girlfriend? Like I said, "Sniveling Pussies" I didn't even know they still made Slim Jims. Where do you buy yours at? Can't leave your name? Or don't you remember which one of your Dads named you after him. Maybe one day you can move up to a Union job and see what real men do for a living. Well, maybe not. There is a minimum level of testosterone to ride the ride. Stay ignorant and keep hating. Also, learn how to use spell check so it doesn't look like you use crayons to write with. And remember "Vettes Rule" It says so on one of my t-shirts.

Anonymous said...

Honest to god TRUE story!
After a short street race in san Antonio TX involving a loop to loop. Cb7 h23vtec vs C5. Honda guy says "hey man is your car OK,I see it's smoking pretty bad?" Vette guys says "yeah its a common exhaust issue with these cars that I haven't fixed yet, I didn't think you'd be that hard to beat, how much psi you running? Honda guy "I'm not boosted man this just a 4cyl with VTEC, good luck with your car!

Anonymous said...

Aspire to be an Asshole? You must buy a vette. I have hated Corvettes since i was a kid, some 45 yrs ago. I find them ugly,impractical and overpriced pieces of SHIT! What prompted me to look for this place was the "Corvette-Jackson" car auction recently. 20% Shitbox vettes. Yes, I have driven 3 of these things, a 74, a 90 and a 94. I didn't like any of them,at all. Too low and cheesy feeling. Which brings me to "Corvette guys"...not all,but most are obnoxious assholes, they know it, and they want YOU to know it...am I judging them? Yep ! And rightfully so. Most seem to fit the vette guy stereotype. I Love to Hate Corvettes ! I'll take a Nova,a Camaro,a Mustang or a Dodge ANY day over a vette. If I won a Vette, I would promptly sell the flaming piece of overpriced shit to the 1st arrogant, insecure idiot I could find !! And the pomposity of the auto world calling it an "American icon" infuriates me to no end. These cars were way overpriced, and why? They were stiff,rattling,uncomfortable and UG-FUCKIN-LY. The elitist that buy them to "get noticed" are what the problem is here...most,not all, were lucky if they were smart enough to find the fucking gas cap!. Most were not true car guys, just wanna-be tuff guys. Thanks for having this here,where we can vent ! I will always Love cars, and car people,but I can count on 1 hand the vette owners I've met that were cool and realistic. The Corvette and its followers are, and always will be, out of touch,irrelevant pieces of shit. And they wonder why when parked,"mystery"scratches appear...because they cut you off,took up 3 parking spaces and basically said "Fuck you" with their inflated ego and flashy plastic shitbox. I'm betting you, as a car salesman, can pick a vette guy out of the crowd.Probably before the smell of the quart of Aqua-Velva he's wearing hits you !!

Unknown said...

Could you be more of an idiot? Go drive your boring ass cars. Power and looks does not a car make? Really. Go buy your vanilla ice cream. I will drive my restomod 1970 chevelle.looks and power always wins over slow and dull. That kind of describes you doesn't it.hahaha

don wilson said...

Customers are moochers. The perfect example of why everyone hates car salesman.

don wilson said...

Good for you.Don't be one of the sheep drive what YOU enjoy. I have owned a C3 and a C6 and now I am into musclecars.Life is too short to drive boring cars.

don wilson said...

Customers are moochers. The perfect example of why everyone hates car salesman.

don wilson said...

Could you be more of an idiot? Go drive your boring ass cars. Power and looks does not a car make? Really. Go buy your vanilla ice cream. I will drive my restomod 1970 chevelle.looks and power always wins over slow and dull. That kind of describes you doesn't it.hahaha