Dear Reader: This blog entry gets more hits than anything else I have ever written. I am very curious as to why. Are there that many people out there that hate Corvettes? I would appreciate it if you would write something in the comment section below explaining your thoughts on this matter.
I hate Chevy Corvettes. This is a pretty strong statement when you consider that the one of the biggest commission I have ever made was on a ’03 coupe. Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate the Corvette as a classic America sports car, though each year I find it harder and harder to get in and out of one. It is just that I hate the people who buy them.
For me, trying to sell a Corvette is pure agony. It is what I like to call a Haley’s Comet sale: it happens once every seventy-six years. Over the years I have spent an inordinate amount of time showing The Others Corvettes with not much to show for it. That is why I have grown to loathe the suckers.
Ask most Car Men and they will confirm that Corvettes are the biggest mooch magnets on the market. The reasons lie deep in the psyche of every red-blooded American male. The Toyota Camry may be the number one selling car in America, but no guy has ever dreamt about driving down the highway of life on a beautiful summer’s day with a blonde beside him in a Camry. The Corvette is an icon, the fiberglass version of “The Field of Dreams”: If you have one, she will come.
The problem with a ‘Vette is this: When you are young, more than likely you cannot afford the payment. Heck, you probably can't even afford the insurance on it. When you add those two payments together it is almost always a deal buster. And when you finely do find your blonde and marry her, a Corvette is out of the question. You can't put your honey along with a stack of groceries and a child car seat in a Corvette, but this still does not mean you would not give your left nut to have one. For some it becomes a life-long obsession. Unfortunately, the usual victim of this obsession is a Car Man.
There is an army of idiots out there that spend a good portion of their spare time lusting over a car they will never be able to pull the trigger and buy. They search the classified ads and car magazines. They do their unholy research on the Internet, and they pester Chevy dealers endlessly, trying desperately to find the Perfect One--the Corvette that has their name on it; the perfect seat for their obsessive ass. If by chance they happen to actually come across the perfect Corvette, that is when the trouble begins.
I am of the opinion that for a lot of people the act of looking for a Corvette is almost as satisfying as actually owning one. Just the mental pleasure of wanting one makes you a kind of surrogate Corvette owner without the burden of a high monthly payment. “I’m a Corvette guy!” you can say to yourself. You are looking for one, right? Looking is just one step away from buying, right? Therefore, you are a Corvette owner who just does not happen have a Corvette at the moment.
The Corvette mooch will never buy a car from you because the car he has captured in his twitchy imagination is a gleaming gem of automotive perfection, and no Corvette he will ever find can match up to this image. Even if he stumbles across one that is dangerously close to the Corvette of his dreams, he will have no choice but to make up imperfections. Because if he found that perfect, affordable ‘Vette it would mean he might actually have to buy it, and he certainly cannot have that!
This does not stop a mooch from coming onto your lot and wasting your time. He is as attracted to the siren call of the Corvette as a moth is to a flame. As he walks around the car, his heartbeat elevates, his palms become sweaty. He will try to bait you with hints about his high-paying union job. To further spice things up he might mention that he may even pay cash for the car. (Do not be fooled. He has $300 in his checking account.) This is all designed to achieve his ultimate goal: taking the plastic sled for a test drive. For if he takes the car for a drive and people see him driving it, he can pretend he owns it.
If he successfully lures you into his trap all is good until you get back to the dealership. That is when the excuses begin:
“Ah, gee, I wanted a 6-speed, and this one’s an automatic.”
Or, “I really wanted an automatic. Too bad this one’s a 6-speed.”
“This one is blue. I really wanted a red one with the optional wheels.”
“It has to have under 30,000 miles on it,” he insists. “This one has nearly 40,000. Just my luck!”
And if you could somehow magically produce one just the way he wants it, he would say without missing a beat, "Oh why couldn’t it be a convertible?"
“I’ll call the used car factory and have them make one up for you!” you want to scream.
Now I know there are guys who successfully sell Corvettes, just like I know there are guys who successfully sell Volvos. They must be steely-eyed Car Men, in my view. And I realize I have a bad attitude about this particular subject. God knows I have been accused of having a bad attitude about a lot of things on more than one occasion. But for the average Car Man, I speak the truth.
I hate Corvettes, and my advice to you is: stay away from them.
Talk to you later,