Throwing An Indian Off The Lot

I threw an Indian off the lot today, and boy, did it feel good! Now just so we have things straight, I’m not talking about a Native American here, I’m talkin’ about a guy wearing a turban with the last name of Singh.

This wasn’t my first encounter with Mr. Singh. A few days back he came in with his brother. I showed him a ’03 Camry that was still in recon. Nice car. He asked me what the price was. I told him $9495. Now my boss happened to pay book for this car. Well, he paid a nickel back, but by the time it hit the lot the new Kelly Bluebook was out and it had taken a substantial hit. The point is I didn’t have a lot of room in the price.

Mr. Singh asked me the question that makes all Car Men’s blood run cold. “What’s your last price?” Now I don’t know about you, but that question makes me consider violence, but for some reason I decided to go along with him for a while. I mean times are tough, right?

“I’m going to put it on the Internet for $8988 plus fees,” I replied. “That’s my “Last Price”. This asshole looked at me and said, “I will give $7000 out the door.”

I turned and without a word walked away.

Four days later. The Camry is on the lot, a propeller head’s dream: saftied, smoged and ready to go. I would soon be bracing myself for the calls from idiots on Craig’s List. And on this bright, December morning who comes back to my lot? Mr. Gurjant Singh, that’s who!

I was thinking to myself, I guess I wasn’t rude enough for this guy. If he’d been an American I wouldn’t have seen him again. But since you can’t seem to be rude enough for an Indian, here he was ready for round two.

Trust me on this. I was patient. Even though I’ve had nearly forty years of dealing with unreasonable Indians, I was willing to give it a shot. He asked me once again how much the car was. $8988 plus the fees, I replied. He pretended like he didn’t hear me and asked again. $8988 plus the fees, I replied. We bantered about this for a period of time. Dumb me; I thought I could reason with the guy. Tell him about the high resale on Toyota’s etc, etc. One thing for certain I wasn’t going to let him drive the car until we got this shit settled.

He seemed to relent a little. He wanted to know how much out the door. He explained he could put $4000 down and his brother would co-sign. I took him into the office, figured out the price on my computer and wrote it down on a piece of paper. The total was $9786.61.

Mr. Singh looked at the figure and wrote down $8500. No, I said. The price was firm. For the sake of not boring you, I won’t go into all the gory details, but over the next two minutes I reiterated that that was the price. “I’m not going to discount it one cent!” I declared. My frustration was growing.

Mr. Singh asked me about another car on the lot, a 06 Elantra. I had a little room in that price, and I gave him the figure, but after thinking about it for a few seconds, he once again declared his love for the Camry and said he’d pay the $8988-- if I paid the taxes.

I flipped out.

“Haven’t you been listening to me, you idiot?” I bellowed. “The price is $8988 God damn dollars plus the fees! That’s the price!” I paused for a second and continued. “You know what? I don’t want to sell you the car, how you like that? As a matter of fact why don’t you get your ass off my lot RIGHT NOW!”

Mr. Singh, who by the way was a pretty big boy over six feet and thirty years my junior, looked really pissed. I was wondering if he was weighing beating the shit out of me against the possibility of being deported. The fear of deportation won out, I guess. He bolted back into his aging Corolla and left.

For the first few seconds I stood there trembling, slightly ashamed of myself for losing control. Then a feeling of euphoria flooded my body as I realized that throwing an Indian off the lot could be a very satisfying experience. It feels a lot better than the ordeal I would have had to go through to get this deal down.

So my advice is if you’re feeling low, nothing beats kicking an Indian off your lot. If an Indian isn’t handy, any foreigner who utters the phrase "Give me your last price." will do. In this I am an equal opportunity kicker-outer.


Talk to you later,



David