My First Up Last Saturday

NOTE TO THE OTHERS: If you’re going to be a vampire for Christ’s sake, at least try to be clever about it.

On Saturday my first up was a woman who parked her car and headed over to a ’96 Pathfinder on the lot. I went up to her and asked with a smile, “How are you today?” (My standard opening line.)

The lady looked at me and said, “I’m planning on buying a car from a private party, so I thought I’d go to a couple of lots to see what cars are selling for.”

What? I thought. Am I hearing things?

“So you don’t have any intentions to buy a car from me?” I asked, my voice still friendly.

Her eyes widened. She realized she had blown it. Her evil plot to stroke me had been spoiled by her own words.

“Well, well,” she stammered, “there are plenty of private party cars out there!”

Now at this point I know that a sales trainer would urge you to bring out your arsenal of clever closes to use on this lady. Charm here, woo here, make her your best friend. Make a sale God damn it! But to my jaded mind, the one that has prevented me from being a super star all these years, I just couldn’t do it.

I just starred at her, the same smile on my face. I said nothing.

There was that delicious moment of uncomfortableness. On her part, not mine. What followed only lasted a few seconds, but to her, I’m guessing it seemed like an eternity. What was she thinking? “This guy got me,” maybe. Or, “Damn salesman! This is exactly why I want to buy from a private party!”

She was like a deer caught in the proverbial headlights, unable to move. At about five seconds in real time (one hour in stress time) she stammered, “Well, thank you very much!”

“Your welcome,” I replied, still smiling.

I turned and watched as she scurried back to the safety of her car. She hurried out of the lot avoiding my friendly gaze and headed to the lot across the street from us to give it another shot. She was only there for about five minutes. Did she get the information she wanted so she could properly try to screw a private party?

I’ll never know.

Talk to you later,


David