My name is David Teves. I sell cars for a living. I'm not here to give you, The Others, any insights on how to get a deal. Frankly, I don't think you should get a deal. In this area I'm totally on the side of the car salesman. We have the right to make a decent living.
What I want to do is tell you some stories. Good ones, I think. Some are funny, some are sad. In my 35+ years in the business, I've run into a vast assortment of characters. I want to tell you about some of them. I will also sprinkle these electronic pages with the things that buy me. For example, why I hate Corvettes and the people who buy them. Why car salesman have only two natural enemies: firemen and real estate agents. Why we refer to those of you who are not in the business as "The Others". And, as they say, much, much more!
I hope to entertain and inform. I might even piss you off a little if I'm lucky. So will you take the chance and take a test drive with me? I'll try to make it worthwhile. We'll take the scenic route. Maybe I'll throw in a free set of floor mats when we close the sale.
But be forewarned: I'm a natural born smart ass. I'm not politically correct, and I don't give a rat's ass what you think of me or by brethren. But you will, I believe, have a good time.
Talk to you soon.
David
1 comment:
David! This blog ROCKS. If you were a Chevy salesperson, you could say it "I-ROCS!" (well, not any more, Chevrolet lost the rights to use the trademark "IROC" with their defunct Camaro line. Big news though, the Camaro is coming back! Just about the time that gas hits Nine Bucks a gallon, Chevrolet will release a muscle car! Now that's FORWARD THINKING at the factory! Don't blame Chevrolet though, Dodge started it with their HEMI which of course is named for the HEMMOROIDS you'll get from all that accelleration and scratching your ass, because your wallet is constantly being pulled out to buy MORE GAS FOR THE HEMI-ROID!
I love the way you describe life in the car sales lane...your wealth of experiences and colorful "Rube Goldman" characters are very entertaining.
Like many other high-stress professions, commision sales has led many in the biziness to the 'dark side' of greed, unbridled ambition, trampling of others who get in your way, and of course the stellar one-two punch of substance abuse and divorce!
Of course, after 35 years of eating shit that your customers have handed you on a daily basis, who could blame you for taking a couple of belts or snorts or whatever?
That was THEN in the car biz. Today is the Now, and I know you like to live in the NOW.
In the NOW, you have to watch what you eat, which is very easy, because most doctors tell you you can't eat SHIT! Well, that's not right, what you CAN eat tastes like SHIT and the SHIT you LIKE to eat is NO LONGER ALLOWED!
Ditto the cigarettes, booze, drugs, and as we get older, even sex is less important...
I popped three Viagra the other day. I got an erection that lasted over 4 hours. I had to run to the nearest emergency room. I was dying to start bragging, but they took me into a treatment room and killed my erection instantly. I was shocked they had a recent phot of my EX-WIFE on the wall in the ER! Later on I had a VERY stiff neck. Oh well.
I think I'm gonna go stroke a Plasma TV sales person. Since I can't buy a car any more (I'm banned from most dealerships), I'm left with jacking off other sales people. Since they closed CompUSA, I have to go elsewhere to suck the life out of unsuspecting sales people.
Oh, did I mention I'm a volunteer firefighter, a Corvette owner, a part-time realtor, and my first name is Jack? I'm OFF today, isn't that great? When people call my places of employment, they frequently ask if I'm off, I'm always hearing someone saying JACKOFF when my name comes up... it's great so many people care so much about a guy like me.
:)
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