When I first started selling cars one of the first concepts I was introduced to was that of the Car God. I imagine that the Car God is universal among Car Men. I have never worked at a dealership where the name of this automotive deity was not evoked at one time or another. So what exactly is the Car God, and what is His significance in the world of Car Men? Is He just a joke, or is He real?
Car Men are a superstitious bunch. Walk onto just about any car lot in this great land of ours, and you will find pennies scattered around the lot for good luck. The pennies are sometimes referred to as “squirrel food”, implying that they will attract buyers. The superstition forbids Car Men from picking up those pennies; that is considered very bad luck! But the penny superstition is fairly prosaic compared to the myriad of "dos and don’ts" that rule the lives of Car Men every day. To violate the rules of the car business can result in a very serious condition known as “pissing off the Car God”.
The Car God stands watch over all things involving the selling of cars, and you seriously do not want to piss Him off. To do so can result in a blown deal or even worse, a losing streak that can seem like it is lasting forever. These beliefs are rooted in the selling techniques that are used by Car Men everywhere. They were developed by trial and error, honed over the years and handed down from one generation of Car Men to another. They work because they have stood the test of time, and if you dare go against them it is believed that the Car God will strike you down.
An example of this are the steps of working a car deal that start from the moment you meet your customer to when you see him hit the brake lights just before he goes over the curb in his new car. Successful Car Men always work their deals in the same way and in the same order. Nothing is left to chance. The secret is to always make your presentation look fresh. An analogy would be that of a comedian. He writes and practices his act over years, yet each night when he comes on stage he has to make his audience feel as if the jokes are coming off the top of his head. It is exactly the same way with Car Men. Taking short cuts, or as they say, “working the deal backwards”, will stir the wrath of the Car God, and that is something you do not want to happen!
Here is another example: Mr. Smith calls you up and says he will be down there in an hour to pay cash for that used 4Runner he spotted on your front line. In your excitement you grab the 4Runner out of its position and move it to your special delivery area near the showroom. Mr. Smith does not show up. Why? Well some might say it was because The Others are notorious liars and this is undoubtedly true, but there may be another reason: You pissed off the Car God! It is bad luck to move a car to the sold position until you are absolutely positive you have a deal. To do otherwise is automotive suicide!
Yes, the Car God works in mysterious ways. Not only will He be mad at you for working a deal backwards, He interacts with the basic rules of the business, most commonly rule number two “What goes around comes around”. Treat your fellow salesmen shabbily, and it will come back to haunt you. If that miserable bastard you are working with suddenly drops dead, it might be because of clogged arteries, but it might also be because the Car God was fed up with his bullshit!
I once worked with a cantankerous salesman who was very religious. He had caught the religion buy late in life because I think he felt he needed fire insurance to protect him from a lifetime of being a prick to his fellow Car Men. One day I mentioned something about the Car God, and he became very indignant. He said I was committing blasphemy and would suffer the consequences. Now of course the term Car God is somewhat tongue-in-cheek. In reality it is a euphemism for Karma. I do not really believe that up in Heaven there is a deity in a $500 suit watching over the way Car Men conduct themselves. I tried to explain this to the old coot, but he was not buying it. In his eyes I was a minion of Satan.
So it is important that every budding Car Man take heed of the Car God and His role in your life on the line. If you follow the rules of the business and treat your fellow salesmen fairly you can avoid His wrath most of the time. Of course He will hit you with a cold streak now and again, but do not worry that is just a little thump on the head to let you know He is out there.
There is a flip side to this. All Car Men have faced the following situation after spending a good chunk of their screwing around time with an up: “I have to go home and pray on it.”
It is the one objection that strikes terror into the hearts of all Car Men because it is virtually impossible to overcome. Your customer apparently has direct communications with the Lord. What the heck can you do about that? You cannot talk bad about God! You cannot say things like,
“Praying on a car deal doesn’t work, you putz!”
Or, “God doesn’t know anything about buying cars, He’s strictly a horse and chariot guy.”
Or, “God’s not going to be around ‘till next Sunday. The sale ends today.”
Things will go badly if you say stuff like that.
I once got so pissed off at a customer trying to use the God excuse on me I blurted out,
“Don’t you think God’s got more important things to do than worry about how much you’re paying for a car?”
To this he replied, “God’s got time for everything.”
Shit.
I once worked with a Car Man, a real character, who was a chameleon when dealing with customers. If the customer was a red neck, he became a red neck. If the customer was a tree hugger he expressed his deep concern over climate change. One day I was walking past his office and noticed him with a couple. What gave me pause was that the three of them were holding hands around his desk, their eyes closed. They appeared to be praying. Believe me that was completely out of character for this Car Man! I waited in the showroom, and when he finally emerged from his office I asked him what was going on.
“We were asking God for another five hundred bucks to make this deal,” he whispered as he headed toward the sales office.
“What did God say?” I asked. He turned and gave me the thumbs up.
What balls he had.
I will admit that I am normally helpless when encountering this objection. I usually give up and say, “Okay, I can appreciate that,” hating myself for being so weak. But there was this one time when in the heat of a deal I said something that was completely foreign to my nature.
“God told me to pay $8000, for the car,” the customer informed me. The sincerity on his face made me feel like lunging over the desk and throttling him.
I felt anger rise in me and I blurted out, “Well, God told me to charge you $8600 for the car!”
There was silence for about thirty seconds, an eternity when you are mono-a-mono with a zealot. He looked at me asked, “Really?”
“Really,” I replied.
There was another pause, and then he said something I would never forget.
“Okay”.
Deal closed!
Talk To You Later,
David
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