The Closing Booth

I was thinking about the old car salesman bar on Oakland’s auto row that was called “The Blue Book”. I had the sudden flash, a “great idea”, that I’m certain will make me (and my backers) very, very rich. It involves a chain of bars, each conveniently situated near car dealerships called “The Closing Booth”.

Just think of it. A watering whole dedicated to soothing the battered Car Man after work, aka the walking wounded of the retail world. The way I envision it is that each bar will have a car oriented theme. Kind of like the “Hard Rock Café” with old wheel covers instead of guitars.

Let’s face it. Car Men and drinking go together like mustard and hot dogs, and “The Closing Booth” will attract them like moths to a light bulb. If you build it, they will come. I guarantee it. Each night when the dealerships close, the salesmen will gather together for a relaxing couple of hours of drinks, bullshiting and be merriment.

The way see it, the bar itself could resemble one of those 80’s style “sales towers”. You know, the type of sales desk where you were forced to look up at the desk man like he’s God. In this case instead of a grumpy asshole with crumbs on his shirt it would be a bartender, preferably a young lady with a good set of high beams and the ability to make a decent dry martini. There you can sit with your peers, tell war stories, and bitch about incompetent sales managers.

The booths, of course, would all have a closing booth theme. Old write-ups complete with red pencils informing the customer that their offer is below cost could be put under glass on the table tops. Menus for things like Buffalo wings and chili cheese fries could resemble credit apps.

My vision includes a “The Others” detector at the entrance. Non car people will be forced to negotiate for their beer and have to talk to at least one liner during their visit. If nothing else it’ll be fun to watch.

I n order to make the place interesting I propose reduced prices on drinks for the ladies during between 9 and 11 PM, the prime Car Man drinking hours. In keeping with the overall theme, if a Car Man fails to close a deal with one of these ladies, the deal must be turned or face expulsion to an Applebees for the next thirty days.

Membership to the exclusive “Bee Back Club” will be offered to all those who can prove an average of fifteen cars per month or can certify they have a drinking problem. Members will have their own area “The Bone Yard” a posh “VIP only” back room that feature imaginative booths that pay homage to the classic American luxury cars. The ideas that are flowing from my over productive mind is boggling!

Franchise opportunities soon will be offered. So don’t miss out on your chance to retire from the line and doing a much more rewarding work: keeping your fellow Car Men in a state of intoxication. I tell you it’s the wave of the future!

Talk to you later,


David