The Blowout Box

I went from working at one dealership for eighteen years to working for seven different dealerships in a four-year period. Why this happened is a story for another time, but my experiences working at so many different places made me develop the concept o the blowout box.

A blowout box doesn’t have to be anything fancy. A medium-size cardboard box from the parts department will do. A box with a top is preferable but not mandatory. Once procured the box should be placed in the salesman’s office under his desk or next to it. There is should remain until called upon.

Related to the blowout box is the concept I refer to as “the five minute rule”. The rule is simple: do not keep anything in your desk or office that cannot be thrown into the blowout box within five minutes. To have more of your stuff around then necessary is stupid and makes you more vulnerable the idiot managers with vengeance on their minds.

Using the blowout box takes two forms. The first form is you’re called into the office and fired. Upon being fired, you should be able to return to your desk, get everything you want to take with you within five minutes, load the blowout box in your car and leave.

(The correct Car Man expression for leaving a dealership is “to launch”. When telling your buddies what happened you say, “I decided to launch” or if you feel the need to be honest, “they launched me.)

The second form of using the box runs along the same lines as the military launching a nuclear missile. There are three stages of crisis: Def Con 1, Def Con 2, and Def Con 3. If things are going bad at the dealership, or something has really, really pissed you off, you go to Def Con 1. In this stage you just verify that the blowout box is there and in a ready mode.

If things escalate to Def Con 2, the box should be moved to its “ready” position and the drawers of your desk should be opened. Letting off a little steam by cursing under your breath and partially filling the box is acceptable, but hopefully you will “stand down” and the items will be returned. Full use of Def Con 2 can be very therapeutic and has the same benefits of a shot of Tequila. Warning: it’s not good to keep a bottle of booze in your desk, unless you are a superstar who can get away with a lot of crap before the first form of a blowout box comes into play.

If things escalate to Def Con 3, all bets are off. Assuming the police haven’t been summoned to either a) escort you from the building or b) take you to jail, the blowout box should be quickly but thoughtfully filled. Said box should be put in the trunk of your car and be brought out again when you find another job.

I had a blowout box behind my desk for eight years. It was used when I found another job.

So if you’re a Car Man a blow-out box is the thing for you. It supplies comfort during times of high stress, and practicality in times of crisis. I repeat: under no circumstances should you have more stuff in your office than can be loaded into the blow-out within five minutes. To do so is foolish and can possibly be embarrassing when you’ve just threatened a manager with his life.

Trust me, I’ve been there.


Talk to you later,



David