Closing Time

It’s Sunday afternoon on the car lot. It’s about a quarter to five. You close at five. You’re itching to get out of there. Then it happens. A goof ball, buried in his beat up Mitsubishi Eclipse, pulls into the lot to spend an hour of quality time with you.

Shit.

What is it about car dealerships at closing time? It can be slow all day, or perhaps you were busy and just want to get your ass out of there, and here they come, an army of flakes, determined to ruin your evening. Now sometimes you can get lucky and find a buyer among the pack, but for the most part these are the people who got thrown out of all the other dealerships up and down Auto Row and have landed at your place for a last shot at getting new wheels. (Keep in mind that the flake you threw out two hours ago is pulling into another lot right now!)

Back at the primeval dawn of my automotive career, I worked at Hayward Ford in Hayward, California. Hayward Ford was located across the street from a steep hill that ran up to the state college. We closed at 9:00. I used to imagine that at about 8:30 ups would gather on the hill with binoculars and walkie-talkies waiting for signs that we were locking up the cars. As soon as the spotted a key board they would give the okay sign and invade the lot asking stupid questions and demanding demo rides in cars they had no intention to buy.

My brother, Danny, who was a young, aggressive sales manager didn’t make it any easier. He believed that closing time was when the last dog died. I used to joke that if it dawned on him that after the bars closed at 1:00 AM there might be a couple of drunks on the lot, he’d make sure we were there to wait on them!

What can a Car Man do to protect himself? Murder is one option, I suppose, but not very practical unless you’re really good at it. You can always hide in your office or the bathroom and hope someone else takes the up, but if the other guy sells the goof a car you’re going to feel like an asshole. So what do you do?

First understand that the two main reasons for a customer being tossed out of a dealership is because they’re really buried in their trade or they’re so flaky they would need a co-signer to pay cash. The vast majority of closing time ups fall into these two categories so when the guy in the Eclipse pulls up to your showroom door find quickly find out witch one applies to him.

If all else fails, a quick way to determine if you have a buyer is to simply ask him if he wants to buy the car. Strokers hate this question because it exposes their plan to jack you around for their fun and amusement. But you have to be careful how you ask the question because if you sound too aggressive you risk losing a real buyer. I suggest after a brief presentation of the car you give them your best friendly smile and say, “So, you want to buy this beauty tonight?”

I think we can all agree that it would be a better world for all if the police would simply arrest anyone pulling on to a car lot at closing time. If I were emperor of this country there would be capital punishment for anyone stroking a Car Man.

Hey. Am I being a little too harsh?


Talk to you later,


David