Confessions of a Car Man

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The Chameleon

I want to tell you a story about an F&I (Finance & Insurance) man I worked with years ago. Rich Morgan was (and I suppose still is) a very talented guy. He had the right combination of verbal skills, sales ability and craziness that are the hallmark of any good Car Man. And on top of that he had a very original personality; one of those types of people who once you know him you can never forget him. And one more thing: Rich Morgan was a human chameleon.

Rich Morgan’s behavior could be a little bizarre. He could be in a “don’t even think about talking to me” mode, and then suddenly be your best friend. If Rich was in a talkative mood and fixed his interest on you, you were in for quite a show, because Rich had the singular ability to make you feel as if you were the most important person in the world.

I’ve thought about this a lot over the years. Rich was not a phony. If he decided to turn his chameleon-like attention to you his interest was genuine. It was just so weird! He would clasp his hands together as if he were eagerly anticipating Thanksgiving dinner, tilt his head slightly, a grin spread on his face and give you an almost adoring look.

When Rich was in this mode he made you feel as if you were a celebrity, and he was interviewing you for some posh magazine. He would hang on your every word, acting as if each one were a pearl of wisdom. His questions would be thoughtful and insightful, designed to bring out the best in you. But I’ve got to admit that when the conversation was over I always felt as if my pocket had just been picked.

But that isn’t the weird part.

I can only imagine what it would be like to be a customer sitting across from Rich Morgan as he turned into a chameleon. Sometimes he would keep the door to his office open, so if you walked by the doorway you could see Rich during his transformation. It was not unusual to hear gales of laughter as Rich worked his humor and charm on the customer. For in the few minutes a customer was in F&I, Rich became a part of their lives and their best friend. A good word to describe it is “simpatico”. He becomes you.

I will tell you how absorbed Rich Morgan would become when with a customer. If you were a Mexican, a Spanish accent would creep into Rich’s rich voice! If you were Asian, his words would become clipped like the dialogue in a Charlie Chan movie. Irish? Irish accent. English? English accent. Whatever you were, Rich would become you. I tell you it was surreal!

I'm not even going to get into what would happen when an African-American entered his office. I have heard him say in a loud, accented voice, "Now that's what I'm talkin' about!" But I have to proof that he ever attempted a soul handshake.

You never knew what was going to happen when a customer emerged from F & I. Many times they looked stunned. Rich was so weird sometimes they didn’t know exactly how to react to him, but believe it or not they usually came out of his office with an extended warranty GAP insurance, and a Due Bill for snake oil*!

When questioned about his behavior Rich seemed not to understand what you were talking about. Speaking in accents wasn’t something he planned. It was not an attempt to be racist or a smart ass. It was just him. For in that moment of time, if you were Chinese, Rich was Chinese. And his interest in you, your family, and your new car were real. Unless you didn’t buy anything at which point you were an asshole!

To this day I have always felt the deepest of respect for Rich Morgan. He was the car business’s equivalent to an eccentric brain surgeon—more than a little weird but oh, what a talent! If the term Car Man was in the dictionary there could very well be a picture of Rich next to the definition!

One last thing: It is my eternal hope that if space aliens ever visit this planet, the first person they will meet is Rich. He’ll charm the pants off of them—and sell them a 5 year/100,000 service contract.


Talk to you later,



David

*The Others take note: snake oil is slang for things like underseal and paint coatings.

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