Of Liners and Ex-Car Salesmen

Among all the crazy customers a car man runs into during the course of his career, there are two types that have always made me scratch my head in wonder. It’s waiting on current or ex-car salesmen. These can be among the weirdest ups you can ever encounter.

By ex-car salesman I’m not referring to a retired car man. Retired car men usually have connections in the business so waiting on one is a rare occurrence. I’m talking about the guy that didn’t make it selling cars and is very bitter about the experience. They couldn’t stand the pressure, couldn’t understand the selling process, and couldn’t take being beat up by the customers and the closers. So now they’re working in a warehouse, hating every minute of it, and they hate you because you made it in the business and they didn’t.

These assholes can pack more venom than a baby rattlesnake and must be handled with extreme caution. I’ve had several confrontations with them over the years, and some have gotten very ugly. They come on strong; announce that you can’t pull anything on them! They used to sell cars! Ta-da! Unfortunately their limited knowledge of the car business is just enough to get them into trouble.

In order to make a deal, a car man has to almost reprogram these guys as if you’ve just snatched them from the grips of a cult. Ex-car salesmen are very self-destructive. They need a car, but they will do just about everything they can to queer the deal and try to make you feel it’s your fault.

So what do you do? How the hell should I know? I’m your resident smart ass, not a sales trainer. But I do suggest that if the guy has his wife with him, turn your attention towards her. Try to prove that you’re not the big bad wolf that made her husband so very unhappy before he got a job driving a forklift. She’s the only one who has any control over her husband’s emotions. Just hope she didn’t use to sell cars too!

Then there are the guys who are currently selling cars. More often than not they’re a green pea, probably a liner in some God-awful giant Toyota store. They don’t even have enough common sense to try and buy a car from where they work! These guys like to pretend they’re car men, even though it quickly becomes apparent they’re dumber than bag of hammers. You see you don’t have to be smart to be a liner. All you have to do is follow the instructions of your closer. Unfortunately I don’t think they even understand what those instructions mean!

Another irritating thing is this: Have you ever noticed that a green pea will always claim he’s the number one salesman in their dealership? I had an eighteen-year-old tell me this. He was standing before me dressed in hip-hop clothes, his ball cap twisted crookedly on his skinny little head, a smirk on his pimpled face. So you’re the number one guy, heh? I’ll bet that’s an interesting place to work!

They also have other common traits: bad credit, no money and an obnoxious desire to tell you how to do your job.

So if that up tells you he used to sell cars or is currently selling cars, flashing red lights and sirens should go off it your brain. More often than not you do not have a deal.

You might have a fistfight, but you do not have a deal!


Talk to you later,


David