I saw one of those new Smart cars going down the freeway the other day. The Smart car is a little, and I do mean little, two-seater coupe about the size of a golf cart. Looks dangerous as hell which brings me to my point. The guy driving it was going about 75 MPH in the fast lane!
What the hell was that all about? I would assume that anyone who buys one of those little pieces of shit have to be what Car Men call a “propeller head”. Imagine a Smart car and you can almost see the Obama sticker and something about global warming on the back bumper. So why are you driving 75 sucker? You late for your save the polar bear meeting?
It was going so fast I didn’t have time to verify whether or not it had any bumper stickers, but driving at that speed seemed counter-intuitive to the purpose of the car. You get what I mean by that, don’t you? Oh. You don’t? Okay, I’ll explain.
Since I would assume that most of you have never seen a Smart car on the road, I will make a comparison to a car you all have seen, a Toyota Prius. Now, faithful readers to this blog already know what I think about Prius’ and the people who drive them so I won’t belabor the point. It’s just that people who buy Prius’ drive like every mile means saving the earth from calamity.
Prius drivers seem timid to drive the speed limit much less over it, and though I have occasionally seen Prius’ being driven “normally” it’s the exception not the rule. Believe it or not I don’t have a problem with that. In their own mush-minded way Prius owners walk the walk and talk the talk. As Jimmie Hendrix once said their waving their freak flag high.
But that didn’t explain the goof ball driving the Smart. I mean this car makes the Prius look like a stretch limo and gives off the strong impression that if it had an encounter with anything larger than a Ford Focus death would result. So what the hell was going on?
A few days latter it came to me. That wasn’t a Democrat driving that car. No way! It must have been a freaking Car Man behind the wheel! Car Men traditionally drive like crap, especially if it’s not their car. Back in the days of demonstrators it was assumed that the car would be driven hard and put away wet!
My theory is that some car salesman was just acting like any other car salesman who is given the keys to a new car with gas in it. He was seeing what the little turd could do! That’s my theory, and I’m sticking to it. To think otherwise gives me an unpleasant feeling. I mean if you can’t trust propeller heads to drive safely who can you trust?
Talk to you later,
David
2 comments:
Talking about bad drivin' salesmen reminded me of Hugh Curley. I rode somewhere with him once. He must have seen panic in my face because he said "Don't look at my feet!".
He drug the brake with his left foot while accelerating with the right foot. Funny guy. He also once gave me a lesson on how to sweep the lot with the right spirit. Didn't work.
I love the Prius from hell picture.
Last week a Corolla pulled on the lot with every different Obama bumper sticker you could imagine existed mixed with rainbows and save the polar bears all over it.
We have two sales managers nicknamed "low ball" and "lower ball". Neither were amused by all the stickers. What will the paint look like under all that they reasoned and handed the salesman the ACV.
The customers stormed out looking like the protestors outside the Republican National Convention.
It's fun to poke the beehive sometimes.
AFI
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